Dec. 2011, Dudelange, Luxembourg
"You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life".
I couldn't let this date go by. It was precisely 6 years ago. My adventure abroad started when someone invited me to come to Luxembourg. And because of love, I came. But that's just the way I am. Leaving the comfort zone has been my life motto. To fight for my emotions, for my feelings, letting my intuition take over.
I must assume I was scared. I was letting it all go for the unknown. I left a good job, the family of my heart, the companionship of my friends, and a country that I love. But I have no regrets. Love is over, but life goes on. And here I have built a new life. New friendships. New job. Everything new. Everything different.
An international experience that I dreamed of since I was young. To master the different languages (since I was a child, I love learning languages) and to be in the center of Europe: 4 hours from Amsterdam, 2 hours from Brussels, 5 hours from Geneva, 2 hours from Maastricht, 4 hours from Paris, 7 hours from Salzburg and 10 hours from Vienna.
To experience the people, watch different cultures, thrill with the Christmas markets, the Glühwein (vin chaud) and the delicious Flammkuchen (French pies). This is what moves me.
2012, Zoufftgen, France
And other cycles closed so that others can begin. In fact, I don't think I have ever closed so many pages in such a short period of time. And I have learned. I assimilated it. I grew. A lot. It is necessary to realise and accept when a cycle closes, but this is the natural law of life. I thought I would stay for a year or two. But not anymore... six years. It was hard for me to adapt.
I assume I was afraid of living alone. But I learned that loneliness is not isolation. Now I am alone when I want to be. And friends support us when we need it the most.
And on the other hand, the Luxembourg community is not Latin like us, people from southern Europe. They are not as warm, they don't show feelings, but they welcome very well the 45% of the foreign population that lives here or crosses the borders daily to come to work. There is room for everyone.
2012, Fond de Gras, Luxembourg
They are more conservative than us, but very respectful. At 6 pm (when the stores close), the desertification begins in the capital, as well as throughout the country. People go home early because of the cold. Life dies on weekends. Stores close early on Saturdays and on Sundays everything is closed. And there are many rules to follow, too many rules and precepts. But this is possibly the reason why the country has a highly developed economy with one of the highest GDP per capita in the world. Nothing fails here. The health care system and the national pension works miraculously. The courts idem idem.
When I arrived, I registered at the job center, and a year later I was called for an interview. And I was placed. I was (so) happy. My first job. The years went by and I had already changed jobs. With tremendous courage, I took on a role that I never thought I would play. And I said to myself: "I can do it! I'm going to make it! And I will make it!
I am a versatile and sociable person with a long background and I adapt well to new assignments. I gained courage. I became stronger. This is an international experience, "You grow up and show up". The expression says it all: we will conquer the unknown.
2013, Luxembourg city center
But it hurts. It hurts to be away from the one you love the most. Sure, new technologies help..., but it's not the same. To feel the strong embrace of a relative, to smell mommy's food and give her a kiss when she wakes up. To visit a brother who gave me a beautiful nephew. Now 6 years old. But I don't watch them grow up or get older. I don't help make the Christmas tree. I can't pick him up from school, or attend his judo class. Some people tell me: "It was your choice, you all choose what you want". Well, indeed, it was my choice. But that choice never stops hurting. Never.
I don't consider myself an emigrant, but I value so much all our emigrants spread around the world. I live this reality in my own skin. Only those who go through this situation understand. I consider myself a citizen of the world. The borders are open. We travel where and when we want to. This is something that motivates me to keep going...
2013, Hôtel de Ville, Luxembourg
Would I repeat the adventure? Always.
Happy... my way.
Patrícia Casal Marques
December 2017
(Photos 2012)
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